FAQ

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Visa, Mastercard, American Express, Discover, Diners Club (in case your great great grandparents want to order), Apple Pay, Google Pay, Amazon Payments, Electric Light Orchestra...er, wait, the other ELO, Long uncomfortable hugs from persons with questionable morals (so long as they also have one of the previous payment options).

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We accept most major credit cards, Apple Pay, Amazon Payments, and other payment options supported by our processor Shopify.

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If you’re over 40, you might have heard of this new fandangled technology called electronic mail. You can contact us at noonespecial@saltysecurity.com if you can’t free up your party-line, rotary phone from all those urgent casserole recipe sharing discussions to call us.

If you’re under 40, we know you hate the idea of unsolicited human to human conversation with strangers where one of you actually has to talk, so you can tweet us, hit us up on Instagram or Facebook, or text us quasi-anonymously. You can even do it before the avocado on your artisanal, three-grain, multi-sprouted, organically farmed, self-sustaining, soy bread starts to turn brown.

If all else fails – carrier pigeon!

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For issues or questions with your order, please contact us at orders@saltysecurity.com. For all other inquiries, please contact us at noonespecial@saltysecurity.com. Please kindly provide us with the best method to contact you.

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Oh no, not this again?! Like we told Julie: the water in that pool was really, really cold that day. It’s not our fault the janitor decided to fill it directly from the Yukon, or that the lost and found only had Speedos left. Damn 8th grade gym class!

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All of our stickers are capped at 4”x 4”. The majority of our stickers fall in the 2.5” x 3.75” range. Each will look great on your laptop!

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Well, ever since we got kicked out of our favorite celebrity's pool house for habitual trespassing, we’ve been living in a van down by the river. Seriously, why would you ask that, creeper?! We’re based in the great state of Texas where everything is bigger, including our sense of self-importance.

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We're located in Burnet, Texas. If you need more specific details, please contact us.

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Probably for the same reason we can no longer import our mail order "brides" from there!

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Ours is a small company. Besides US export laws governing exports, it simply may not be financially viable for us to ship stickers to your country of residence at this time. Please do let us know of your interest and we can try to get you stickers another way - like through an area conference.

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Our Uncle Elrod is "damaged" ever since the heavy power tools accident in the dollar store. He sits out on the porch in the sun all day long now sipping Bud Light Lime and drooling into an empty Amphora tobacco can. It's sad really. But we've decided to keep him.

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We're very sorry to hear/read that. We've taken all precautions to ensure your product arrives in great shape. Bent stickers are rare, but may occur and do not constitute damage.

If you do have damage, please kindly take a picture of the damaged product/stickers when you receive them and send it to us at orders@saltysecurity.com. Please indicate if you would like a replacement or a refund.

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What if you were a tall, lanky redhead infatuated by snarky sticker makers? Oh, the possibilities...

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We'd love to hear your request. Drop us a line at noonespecial@saltysecurity.com. If we like your request, we'll likely keep it and try to make it happen (unless it's WAY out there). Please only submit requests you're okay sharing with us. We are a business after all.

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How much of my life I could've gotten back by not responding to these FAQs.

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Well, we're hoping you're enjoying or planning to enjoy our stickers as much as we did conceptualizing and working with our great artists and printer to get them created! Let us know what you're thinking anytime. We're on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.

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Who's asking?

If you must know, once upon a time early last week in a room not that far down the hall, we found this expired bag o' magic beans in the trash that old Helen traded our milking cow for - we thought it was a dumb idea at the time because how can you have a dairy whip shop without dairy, and we were fresh out of Basmati rice - but as luck would have it, when we littered...er, disgustedly threw them in the vacant lot on 22 Chodey Street so we wouldn't have to pay Honey Bucket to pump the septic (our first choice), these things sprouted after a little bit of urination from the local fraternity, and viola! instant stickers!

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Our stickers are proudly encapsulated and printed in the United States by Franklin Press.

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We know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy down the San Antone way. He's the Thrila Who Never Went to Manila! He's the Grand-Daddy Mac! He's the dude cooler than Ice Cold! He's TAFAD! But you can call him Daryll. Yeah, we don't know if he has another brother, Daryll.

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The awesome men and women at DrydenLabs drew our artwork. Ain't it something?!

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This is a serious matter and one we wish not to joke about - see our Unsalted Response.

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Diversity and inclusivity count. Ours is a diverse core team with Asian, Latin, and Anglo-Saxon ancestry. However, our ownership is Anglo-Saxon. We understand what this means. So the last thing we wanted to do is trivialize, stereotype, marginalize or otherwise impact any under represented groups or persons. To this end, we hope to have more diverse images and content available in future sticker releases. Yet we thought it in poor/bad taste to include these groups or persons within the sticker series dedicated exclusively to vulnerabilities. We're not asking you to necessarily agree with us, but we hope you understand our reason why.

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Sopped from the furrowed brow of the world's most other interesting man, each drop of sweat has been carefully wrung on top of the sticker stacks and allowed to soak in altruism, bravery, compassion, dedication, earnestness, fidelity, gallantry, honesty, integrity, judiciousness, lawfulness, malarky...whoops, you caught us!

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The scents will fade over time and are more subdued once applied - the backer paper absorbs a bit of the scent, so each one is poly-bagged! Expect the scents to last up to a year if unused/unscratched.

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Because our amp goes to 13! Mic drop...

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We're odd enough as it is. But didn't we mention you get 13 stickers in each pack guaranteed? You feeling us now? We see you.